Raising children your parents way. Imitation at its best.

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Imitation. The action of using someone or something as a model. That’s me. I’ve done it for at least 16 years. Raising children your parents way.

Mam

I’ve written about you many times before, it’s not new news. I lost you over 20 years ago and you are still very much part of my everyday life. Maybe a cliche but there is literally not a day that goes past that I don’t think of you, if only for a second. And even after all these years, you still influence how I live my life and the decisions I make. I wonder what you would do.

The children are now 16 and 13, which is just crazy, where has the time gone? I don’t feel old enough! So much has happened since you left. I’ve probably made so many parental mistakes over this time and I feel like I’m spending my whole life worrying about what else can I do for them. How can I make their world better? How can I help their mental wellbeing? But no one’s got it all right, right? We all play the game differently and there are no set rules on how to perform.

RAISING CHILDREN YOUR PARENTS WAY

But I feel lucky. I had you, my amazing Mam, not for long enough but enough to remember. You didn’t sit me down and teach me about life, it was the late 80’s early 90’s, we kinda figured it out for ourselves through Fresh Prince and Saved By The Bell, but you taught me through how we as a family lived our lives, how you formed us. We spent time together, you worked hard, we had family holidays, we had Christmas traditions and we had love. All the things that made our house a home you did, you were the conductor of our performance, and here I am decades later doing the same with our children. We both work, we’ve built a home on the other side of the world, we have holidays, we have the same traditions, and I still tuck them both into bed with hugs and kisses every night.

Maybe you’ve been watching over me raising them, directing me, observing me copying your parenting style, imitating you, doing my best impression of the best Mam. There’s been no major issues with the children, all has been good but I feel I have only survived 16 years and done a good job as a Mam because I have felt you by my side the whole time. Every step of the way. I’ve often asked myself over the years what you would do, and that’s how I found the answer. Like you, I have a love story with life and mine is far from over, it’s not finished, it’s not reached its crescendo. I have so many plans for us four and I just wish you were here with us to share it all.

YOUR LEGACY

Everyone had a crush on you. You were amazing in all that you did. I don’t know if you could hear me that last night in the hospice, but I remember telling you that I would continue to follow your lead, that I would always behave the way you taught me, that I would always make you proud. I hope my parenting skills have done that.