Half a life. We only get one go, there are no extra lives in this game.

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Time. The one thing no one can control. Not the government, the politicians, or the billionaires. Nor me. When half a life passes, it can only remind us of the speed of life.

Day, week, month, year, decade. It passes so quick. Especially with age. When you’re at the point in your life where you want, and need things to slow down, the clock selfishly continues to click.

Time Passing Fast

22 years since she left us, 22 years since I said my goodbyes sitting bedside, holding her hand. Half a life ago. Over 2 decades since I heard her talk, laugh, sing, and saw that beautiful smile. It doesn’t feel that long ago. The emotions remain like it happened yesterday. It’s not until I account for something that happened in my life every year since 2001 that I can make sense of it. 2002 went travelling, 2003 bought a house, 2004 Ibiza… the only way to fully account for, realise and rationalise the time that has actually passed. Time is not a healer, that’s total bullshit.

So Young

She was 44 when she got diagnosed, the age I am now in real life, 26 in my head. I guess at the time I thought she was old, but being her age now, I still feel so young! Work, life, kids and good skin keep the years off but I cannot imagine being given that news at the age I am now. She enjoyed life, she was surrounded by family and friends whom she loved and cared for, and she worked hard. What kind of thank you is that?

My story

I’ve been thinking about being this age for the last 22 years, I’ve actually dreaded it. I knew it would be emotional, thinking of her at my age now, trying to realise what she went through after that early January doctors appointment, on a cold winters day. I woke this morning with a sad face. I’ve now lived my life longer without her than I did with her.

I am so much like my Mam, in many ways. Will I get this news too? Will this happen to me? Is this my fate? Does my game finish early? Does my door close in 4 years? Who knows. No one. No one knows. All we can do is live our lives to the fullest, surround ourselves with those we love, look after our health and enjoy every second we have.

Life is a gift

Don’t do things that make you sad. Don’t spend time with people that don’t benefit you, educate you, or care for your wellness. Don’t worry about things that haven’t happened yet. And don’t forget we only get one go, there are no extra lives in this game.