As human beings, we’re faced with choices every day, multiple times a day and it’s how we choose that can define us as a person. We may choose wrong, we may make mistakes, we may be unhappy but we have to own it and we have to take responsibility for our choices, like I have with mine.
This weekend my baby Brother, the eldest twin, got married to his beautiful, long term girlfriend, Alex. I knew I’d miss the wedding having moved to the other side of the world, and I knew it would be tough, but I guess I just didn’t realise just how tough it would be to see all my family together in one place, without me.
I use technology every day for the day job and for personal use but there are times when I truly believe the world was a better place without it. I had pre-arranged or should that be pre- begged one of my elder sisters to FaceTime me when the ceremony began so that I could, sort of, be part of the day, and I admit it, last night, technology was my best friend.
I sat there at 10pm on the sofa with my comfortable blanket and my very own wedding flute glass (filled with water!) to toast the happy couple, and I was so excited, I felt like I had front row seats to a live concert! The Wi-Fi was temperamental with the video and sound a little glitchy, but I got to see Alex walk down the aisle looking like the most gorgeous princess ever, I saw my brothers, Groom and Best Man waiting at the altar, I heard the vows, saw the ring exchange and the first kiss!
Seeing my sibling’s, my Niece’s, my cousins and my Aunty’s was just amazing, all together, smiling, having fun and spending time in each others company as a family should. And then there was me, alone in the dark, kids in bed, sobbing my heart out both with pride for my baby brother and also for the massive gap that’s appeared in my heart since leaving them all.
We all make choices in life that we have to live with, we make our beds as the saying goes and last night, watching my family living their lives without me, I felt it for the first time. For the first time since I’ve been living in Australia, amid the bouts of homesickness, I questioned how much being without and far away from my family has affected me.
Yes, we talk regular on social media and FaceTime, and as massively grateful as I am for that, it’s not the same, it’s nowhere near the same as being in the same room as them, tea and biscuit in hand, chatting away and cwtches (Welsh hugs!) when you leave and smiles when you meet back up. It’s right what they say, the world really is a small place nowadays, and watching my Brother marry his best friend last night via a mobile phone 10,000 miles away proves that, but what I would have given to be there.
Moving to Australia was always the dream, it was always on the cards to happen and I guess I figured it would be easy to move to the other side of the world with no parents to leave, but maybe I just didn’t consider how hard leaving siblings would be, I figured they had their own lives and wouldn’t miss me not being so close, but I sure do miss them.
Acknowledging your choices, recognising the effect it has on your life and owning that responsibility is how you get through it, how you overcome it and deal with the emotions that follow. I’m a super emotional person, in joy and in pain but it’s not very often those two emotions come at the same time, and when they do like they did last night, it messes with your heart and your head. For me, here in Australia, I have to stay strong and stand by the decision I made to move to the other side of the world, leaving my life behind to start a new one, and take comfort in knowing my family are close in heart if not in distance.
There’ll be other things I’ll miss I’m sure, births, deaths, marriages, but we’ll go back some day, we’ll go home and visit everyone, have tea and biscuit’s and of course I hope that they will travel here to Australia too. I would love them to come see where we live now, where the kids are growing up, where we are building our lives.
I’ll never forget the night we all got together and said goodbye before I left, I will never forget the sting of the tears as they rolled down my cheeks, or the last cwtch and kiss we had in Wales, but that’s in the past. Now, I must look forward to the future, to keeping up to date with their lives online, to getting excited to hear all their stories when we talk, and to plan the epic night out we’re going to have when I go home! Best start saving!
Written by Editor, Rhian Cable
Mum, Wife, Marketing Specialist and Blogger – Living life every minute.