Hiraeth.  A deep longing for something, especially one’s home. A Welsh word that doesn’t exist in the English language but exists in my heart.

Leaving home four and a half years ago was hard.  Withdrawing from our Welsh life, which was made fuller with the love of family and friends hurt. The goodbyes were brutal, but I was excited for something new and to start the next chapter of our lives.  Looking back on it, through all the mixed emotions, I think maybe leaving Wales hurt the most.

The original trip home got delayed due to covid. I had been planning the return since the day our feet landed on Aussie soil and I knew we would eventually get there, and this month we did.  Finally, after a 37-hour journey, 3 planes, 4 countries and 3 continents. We crossed the Prince of Wales bridge, passed the Croeso i Gymru sign, and then the tears streamed. I was home.

Constant

Nothing has changed.  A few new shops, maybe some painted house fronts, but Treorci was the same as it always was, and I loved that.  I just slipped straight back in.  If things had been different, I may have felt a little lost, a little out of place, but everything was the same as the day I left. Just beautiful. I saw all the old places that made the town and recognised the faces of strangers I knew only by sight roaming the roads. People that had lived here forever, that have always been a part of this beautiful community, just as I used to be.

Walking the streets, glimpsing the rows and rows of terraced houses, visiting the shops and the supermarket. All daily activities of my previous life laid bare on my soul as I ride this quick visit to my past. And a quick visit it was. Way too quick.  At the time of planning the trip I figured a week in Treorci would be more than enough.  See family, see friends, see some favourite haunts but boy was I wrong.  It was nowhere near enough time to remember.  I vow the next visit will be a longer Welsh session.

Family

Catching up with friends and family was amazing, it was what the whole trip was about, and it was all I had hoped and planned it to be. A beautiful meal with beautiful food, surrounded by my beautiful brothers, sisters, nephews, nieces, aunties and uncle was just magical!

That feeling of inner warmth when you get a cwtch (a hug).  A safe space with someone’s arms wrapped around you, that makes you feel warm. Not just physically but emotionally. You know the sentiment and meaning behind it is true, it’s more than just a casual hello or goodbye. That sense of comfort and belonging that only a Welsh cwtch can give. I’ve missed them.

Hiraeth

While I was there, I was convinced I was moving back.  I could see myself back in my hometown, surrounded by all my family, my history and everything that made me, me.  Imagining buying a house, what street it would be in, how I would decorate.  I saw myself working from home or from my lovely favourite coffee shop and being content with my somewhat grey Welsh life away from the ocean, sun, and blue skies. Maybe that day will come.  Australia is where I live but Wales will always be my home.  I felt the pull strongly while I was there and felt my mind drifting away from the land down under, wave after wave.

 

Farewell

I broke my heart leaving again, it hurt just as much as the first time. Grieving for my missed family and my missed Wales. Almost 5 years is too long to be away from my everything.  I have history in Wales, I have connections, I have memories. Wales gives me so much.  I have none of those things if I’m not in God’s country.

I made my bed, so I’ll lie in it.   Nothing has to be forever; anything can change if we want it to.  I am the only person in charge of my life and what I do with it.  As I’ve got older, and tried to grow up, it’s more about the fulfilment, the achievements, the satisfaction, and of course the smiles and laughs along the way, as I search for my path in this game we call Life.   I have no idea where the next stop will be or where I will end up, but I will carry Hiraeth with me always.

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Written by Editor, Rhian Cable
#workkidssleep

Mum, Wife, Marketing Specialist and Blogger – Living life every minute.

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It is multi-layered in that it’s a combination of longing, nostalgia and yearning, and the feeling doesn’t always go away even when you return home.

if you are being reflective over your past and perhaps miss someone terribly.

It is multi-layered in that it’s a combination of longing, nostalgia and yearning, and the feeling doesn’t always go away even when you return home.

if you are being reflective over your past and perhaps miss someone terribly.