Time for a change?

It’s so tough. When you know something needs to change but have no idea of how to change it, if it will make things right, if it will make you happier, or what it is you’re actually looking for!

Being a Welsh valley girl, brought up climbing mountains, catching tadpoles and playing anywhere with dirt, the adventure part of me was programmed in from a young age, as was the desire to make the most of out life, and to make my mark.   Leaving school at 18 after A-Levels and starting work the next day as an Office Junior was an amazing feeling, this was it, my independence had arrived!  The typical young adult life followed, more nights out than in, constant conspicuous consumption, holidays with friends and the boyfriend, but on a career level, I needed more.   Two years of university prevailed whilst working full time, attending three hours a night, two nights a week and 2001 saw me get my first cap and gown, proud moment for sure!

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2001 Graduation

2001 also saw Hubby & I (boyf at the time) set off to travel the Southern Hemisphere, which we’d planned and saved for for a year.  Bit of a delay after my Mum died, but Feb 2002 we jetted off on our adventure, just us, our backpacks, our passports and our mind’s full of dreams.   After a year of doing nothing other than immersing ourselves in the lifestyle and culture of the countries we visited, with more than a tad of sunbathing and alcohol induced nights (and days!) thrown in, we headed back to Wales with a catalogue of ideas for how we wanted our future plan out, we had it all written down, literally!

My job had been kept open, which was great, I had an instant wage after budgeting for the last year, so at least that was one thing less to worry about, but coming back home to the family house where my Mum no longer was was hard, and I vividly remember sitting on the sofa with a cuppa in hand the night we returned, wondering if the last year had actually happened, and planning the next move.

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Lifetime of memories

We moved into our own home in the summer of 2003, a little 3 bed terrace that needed some work but having our own space felt so good, reminiscent of our travel time.   The holidays and spending continued and work was good after having pencilled out my own path when I returned from Oz, now responsible for the marketing of the company’s products, something I had identified we needed to do, so did it.

Never happy being static and always looking forward, I pondered what was next, and almost 6 years after we got engaged, we booked the wedding.  Not one’s for a fuss, and me with no parents, we decided we’d head overseas for the big day, just the two of us, so we booked up the Hilton in Hawaii with a few stop overs, which all changed when I found out I was 7 weeks pregnant and the 32degrees Hawaii trip changed to -17degrees Niagara Falls with a 6 month baby bump!

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To have and to hold

Years passed, with two children now 4 and 1, I was still so hungry for more from my career.  Hubby had been made redundant and had gone self employed so long hours with low pay, and I worked part time around the kids.  I had been doing marketing for around 8 years at this point and loved being in control but felt like I was drifting.  I’d never wanted just a job, I grew up being good at school, loved learning and craved a career but figured if I ever wanted to leave this company, having been there 12 years at this point, I’d have all the experience but no qualifications, so back to University I went.  2011 saw me graduate with a distinction in my Masters Degree and with kids the age they were, me working 30 hours a week, hubby working flat out and us both keeping the house and bills in order, looking back I truly don’t know how we got through it, but we did and my career aim was back on track!

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Kids, house, work, masters degree = an almost add iction to wine!

2013 saw me move to a managerial position which I was thrilled with.  I’d created the department myself over 10 years before and had worked hard to get the company to the top of the market it was in, and now I had an assistant to take it one step further.   With my degree came an increase in my pay, not by enough, but every little helps.  The years kept passing by, kids kept growing and getting more expensive and I was again back to the point of wanting more, more money yes, but also just more from life in general.

At this point it was around 13 years since we returned from our amazing adventure down under and reading my travel journal and looking at photographs didn’t make me feel any better, if anything, I felt worse.  The current work-life balance was well out of sync, 10 hours a day at the desk managing an ever growing brand, which although was rewarding seeing the turnover increase, did nothing much for me personally, other than give me grief off the family for the late nights!

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Tired eyes

Then in June of 2015 came a phone call, a phone call that would certainly change my working life, and in turn our family life.  An offer to do the same job but for a different company who were based up in Essex, with the allowance of working from home and going into the office twice a month for 2 days at a time.  Whilst the staying away twice a month wasn’t great, at the ages of 6 and 9 the kids weren’t babies anymore and Hubby could more than handle two nights a month without me.   There were loads of extra perks; health care, a good pension and a 10k payrise over the current role, so it was a no brainer to go for it, which I did that September, albeit after breaking my heart leaving the company I’d grown up in over the past 17.5 years.

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First day of working from home

Fast forward almost 2 years and we are at today, feeling very unhappy, contemplating giving it all up and eagerly trying to work out what else I can do to help me get out of bed in the morning.  The new job has been great in terms of home working and salary but office politics, too many cooks, and me feeling like I’ve actually gone backwards in my career for a number of reasons all reinforce my gut feeling which tells me it’s maybe time to move on.  But there lies the problem.  With an almost 20 year working life of business and marketing, what else could I actually do?  A brand new start sounds amazing!  A new job, a new house, a new town, just throwing in the towel and walking away to start again really appeals to me and is the only thing of late that gives me that feeling of inner excitement that I felt boarding that plane 15 years ago, but how can I actually achieve that? I would love to work with children and teaching was always something I wanted to do, is that an option now, or is it too late to start another degree in something I have no training in?  Should I do my PHD in marketing and look to secure a future in lecturing, or should I concentrate on the more creative things I love like writing blogs and children’s stories, photography, charity work and finding ways to capture memories.

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Creativity. My true love

There has to be something I can do which will make me fall in love all over again with my work, something I’ve not felt for many years and as much as my family are of course my main priority, my career is probably the only thing I can be selfish about, something that is all mine and something I have worked my ass of for, kids, house and full time work in tow.   Is there an easy answer?  Probably not.  Will someone offer me an amazing opportunity that will tick all of my boxes?  Doubtful.  Am I in control of what I do?  Yes, and that’s the answer.  I am the only person in charge of my life and what I do with it.  I may not have any parents, and haven’t for a long time, but I do have a ridiculously supportive husband who is like the back bone of all my potentially crazy thoughts and ideas and who will stand by me no matter what, even if it means a new job or freelance work with half my pay.

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It’s hard not knowing what the future holds or what will happen if you make a change, but I truly believe it’s not all about the money, or the power, or the stature.  As I’ve got older, and tried to grow up, it’s more about the fulfilment, the achievements, the satisfaction, and of course the smiles and laughs along the way, as I search for my path in this game we call Life.

R x
#workkidssleep

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Hi, welcome to WorkKidsSleep. This blog is all about my thoughts on life and modern day living, rearing children while being a working Mother, setting up home on the other side of the world, living life while I can, family travel and all the in-between.

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